


I'm having trouble trying to sleep

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, I don't know, I'm sorry I really am, Insomnia, Insomniac Sam, Post-Cage, Sam-Centric, Soulless Sam Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, abuse of commas, in a really blank plain logical way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-30 03:51:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3921877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...I'm counting sheep but running out.</p>
<p>Sam doesn't sleep well, hasn't for a while, not since he got out of cage. He lies awake at night in him and Dean's shared motel room, thinking. </p>
<p>Post-cage, Soulless!Sam. A quick thing written in the middle of the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm having trouble trying to sleep

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually my first supernatural fic, I've only written for Harry Potter and Tolkien before. Hm. Feedback and constructive criticism is always appreciated!
> 
> Title and the first bit of the summary from "Brain Stew" by Green Day.

Sam doesn't sleep well, hasn't for a while, not since he got out of cage. He lies awake at night in him and Dean's shared motel room, contemplating all that he'd done that day.

Everything done right, all the things done wrong.

All the people he could've, should've saved, but just didn't, and he doesn't even know why.

He wonders what could possibly have possessed whoever's in upstairs or downstairs to let him keep living when he so obviously didn't deserve to, logically speaking, with the blood of so many on his hands. He know's he's _wrong_ , not whole or good anymore; he can see it in the way Dean looks at him. If anything at all still mattered a little bit to this cold dark emptiness inside him, it'd be Dean.

Some days he seriously considers just ending it all, killing himself. It makes sense, because sure he's a great hunter but these days it seems he gets more people killed than the amount he manage to save. It's not like anyone would miss him - he's pretty cut off from the Campbells now and Dean's made it pretty clear he can't stand this new version of him.

Other days are good days.

A hunt will go right, they can save a couple people. Dean will clap him on the arm or back and flash a small smile. And if it's a little stiff or forced, so what? It's close, and good enough. Those days, as they lay on adjacent beds in a dingy nondescript motel with scratchy but clean sheets, Sam's thankful for what he has, even if it's not-much-hardly-anything-at-all.

Those days, Dean's gentle snores and even breaths lull him to sleep.


End file.
